Friday, March 11, 2005

Is it important to pursue your dream?

I should be excited. The positive energy of optimism should be my aura, just like the aura of winning from most people i saw today when I went to RCTI to take my invitation for Indonesian Idol. What an oppurtunity, some might say. But not for my family.

I sit and wait all afternoon, don't know exactly how to tell my parents about this exciting news: me going to a real audition and how i am so shocked since the audition is on Monday. the very next Monday, March 14th (i thought it would be on Tuesday or Wednesday because my registration number was 37-thousand-something).

But then, as i predicted, there's no excitement or happy face or even a smile and a "congratulation" come out of them. It was just plain "we've just got home. there's no time to talk about this now". Isn't this great?

Silly me've just found out that my parents is not very supportive in every single thing i do. I've just found out that other people (that do not have any blood/family relation with me) do support me, even if they can't personally come and rub my back. In this case, I will say thank you to Kili, an amazing woman who can cheer you up or calm you down within a minute. I called her this afternoon just to catch up with things and tell her my audition day (she said that she would gladly accompany me during my audition). Sadly, she couldn't make because of some woman-rights seminar is going on Monday. But she did say lovely things that really comforted me: not to eat greasy food or drink cold water, get rest, dress well, be my self in front of the juries, i am good, bla bla bla. It is nice to acknowledge that she's even more exited than I am. The good thing is, from her I gain my power to tell my parents how good it feels to me. The power that shrinks down the very minute my parents show their occupied faces.

It is great to know that nobody can support you on you big day (Audition is pronounced as B-I-G D-A-Y for most people, isn't it?) I know that it is not their faults. My lil' sister will have an english exam. My dad will need to do HD in the hospital, of course my mom will accompany him. In fact, I should be the one who need to calm myself and not acting childish like a 8-year-old girl in her first singing competition.

We ate. Me and my parents. I didn't enjoy my meal, of course, waiting the right moment to talk with them.. but there was no "moment". I continued washing dishes and stuffs with thoughts running through my mind. where did my determination go? Am I ready for this? Should I just back off and ruin my chance?

There I was in front of the cupboard, thinking, and spilled a whole glass of water in my feet since my right hand thinks that it is an empty dry glass that i need to put in the cupboard. Luckily, I didn't spilled my tears.

What's next?

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Blogger the mouse said...

go palen.. go.. go.. go..!!

10:42 am  

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