Saturday, October 11, 2008

Headache

Ok. I admit it.
I got a bad headache lately. Maybe i got stressed out because of the upcoming event in November [i have nightmares about it!] Or maybe i just got struck by several cold facts about my past "relationships".

My BIG time childhood/adolescence CRUSH is going to get married next year, on valentine's day. He told me that personally [if one consider "over the phone" as personal]. At that very second, i feel crushed by a building! Then all the madness occurs.

We've been "friends" for a long time now. Our "friendship" has been on and off and on and off all the time [for years and years now] since we got separated and brought back together and separated and back together... and of course, he's been busy too with his own conquest. I remember my girlfriends, back on high school, used to slap me for being so utterly stupid and hate him for being who he was. I admit it, at some point in my life i really thought that i may end up being with him for the rest of my life. How cheesy can that be? I'm miserable, it's undeniably true.

I know how his past girlfriends used to get a little jealous of me, out of the blue. It somehow flatter me a little :) Yet, it will not change the current fact that he is getting married... on valentine's day. How ironic for me :( *sobs*
SAYA TIDAK RELA! uhm... mungkin belum rela :( *sobs*
if somehow YOU are reading this.. well.. I do wish you happiness and I say a little pray for you
Gosh, this is a lil bit like my best friend's wedding scenes! No!

Another thing...
My old friend told me that my ex is married, already, when we chatted several days ago. Still a speculation tho, since he's been missing for several years. We were forcefully separated because of that outrageous conflict in Ambon years ago. Funny thing was he was so upset that i would meet my other "friend" hahaha... Ok. Why is this bothering me now? The fact is, I've been wondering how he's been after all those years. Wonder if he's fine, wonder if i could meet him again, give him a hug... sure i do care about him :) It's just quite shocking to know that he's most probably married already - he's not the kind to settle that easily. RELA sih, cuma bakalan very awkward aja klo tiba-tiba ketemu lagi.. tapi pake ada istrinya disebelahnya yang melihat saya dengan tatapan kejam.

And the last one.
It's minor, but it hurts the most. Two days ago, I had a dream about my polar bear, Y. Dream about us still being together, as if nothing has ever happened :)

All bad coincidences?

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2 Comments:

Blogger Margareta said...

Entuk undangan ra?:D mesti semua nya bakalan pink :P hehehehe

2:55 pm  
Blogger svya said...

hux.... hux..... hux.....

12:47 am  

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