Citizen of Faith

This is my Post Easter Memoir:
"What is the driving force behind these hundreds of people?"

They come around to church during the big holiday events. Thundering like flocks of birds, roaming like ants. Filling the empty seats at this more than vast halls and parking lots, putting their hands together... Chanting graces.

Is it guilt? Mere obligation? Search of future companion?
Or is it possible that somehow, there is an absolute divine power flicks onto their small little frozen hearts?
What's your excuse?

Born and raised in a Catholic family, i have learned how to act accordingly. I am "obliged" to learn the big book of Bible, attend the weekly mass, and put my God-given talents at church's disposal - all of which to please my parents.

Nevertheless... i do think that Bible is a great (his)story book worth reading (sometimes).
i loved to go to the weekly mass to catch a glimpse of my teenage-crush. i love it more when i've come to realize that attending mass and pray is a need, not an obligatory task.
and i am happy to humbly serve, proudly praise my God with my big voice :)

I do believe in this.
As long as one still seek goodness in others, and sincerely try to do good for others (regardless of their religions-or no religion), then one has become a citizen of faith.

Serenity. Courage. Wisdom.

"God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things that I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference."

These words has been my source of self-encouragement throughout these last few years. As i whispered it to myself when I'm down, i somehow feel the urge to get back on my own two feet, and get back to life. However, one need to be willing to let go of all the burdening questions and willing to accept life as simple and as cruel as it is.

Originally written by Reinhold Niebuhr, the "prayer" is usually used as an encouragement statement for those people involved in group therapy: for narcotics, alcohol, etc. anonymous. It is embedded in the twelve-step program is a set of guiding principles outlining a course of action for recovery from addiction, dependency, compulsion, depression, or other emotional and behavioral problems.

This strong words have been used broadly from sermons, musical lyrics, movies, and other self-encouragement books.

Here's the full version of the original prayer:

God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed,
courage to change the things which should be changed,
and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.

Serenity. Courage. Wisdom.
I am bound to those words so deeply that I may (one day) have it inked on my skin :)

Serenity (seion) - Courage (yuuki) - Wisdom (chie)

Want to know Jesus? Read this.

I actually never even think that there are such books!

There's "For Dummies" series, rite? the one to guide you to the web, the one to help you repair your car, etc etc. But what Nv and I found few days ago last week on Kinokuniya shelf were quite amazing!
Take a good look. Pics are courtesy of nv, with a little help from my hands. [Read his side of the story]

The Historical Jesus for Dummies!

Are we human too dumb to understand Jesus? LOL
Btw, i think there's another one about "Bible for Dummies" :P

And then we found another one, The Complete IDIOT’s Guide to Jesus. This one's even better! They even put on little boxes about W.W.J.D (What Would Jesus Do) and W.W.J.K (What Would Jesus Know). And since Jesus had lots of "nicknames" back then, they also put "His name is Jesus, a.k.a.". Hilarious, you think?

The Complete IDIOT’s Guide to Jesus!!

I think these book can be both useful and destructive - especially for those who really seeks for the Divine, the One, the Almighty. I myself prefer to be blinded with my faith, try to read the bible in which story i could never understand, try to live the live God's has given although, most of the time, is incomprehensible. However, you can still buy me these books. I am a dumb and an idiot anyway when it comes to God and his mysterious ways of working hehe :)
I do have a little side story about me meeting one religious guy...

* Mood update - - -
Am delighted. After several weeks, I can chat again with B and C. B just got back from her road trip [home, tan, fat - she said. uhm... sounds like my stat last week! hahaha], all exhausted and clingly - experiencing what Lina's experiencing. We're separated, yet we share same experience [see how connected we are? it's kinda freaky]. C's confused for her indecisice job interviewer... she need to be patient, life after school is though there.

Celebrating Indonesia's Independence Day

, "Pemerintah yang bijak menjamin ketertiban dalam masyarakat, pemerintah yang arif adalah yang terartur. Seperti para penguasa, demikian pula para pegawainya; seperti pemerintah kota, demikian pula semua penduduknya. Raja yang tidak terdidik menbinasakan rakyatnya, tetapu sebuah kota sejahtera berkat kearifan para pembesarnya. Di dalam tangan Tuhan terletak kuasa atas bumi, dan pada waktunya Ia mengangkat orang yang serasi atasnya. Di dalam tangan Tuhan-lah terletak kemujuran seseorang, dan kepada para pejabat Tuhan mengaruniakan martabat. Janganlah pernah menaruh benci kepada sesamamu, apa pun juga kesalahannya, dan jangan berbuat apa-apa terpengaruh oleh nafsu. Kecongkakan dibenci oleh Tuhan maupun manusia, dan bagi kedua-duanya kelaliman adalah salah. Pemerintahan beralih dari bangsa yang satu ke bangsa yang lain akibat kelaliman, kekerasan dan uang."
Kitab Putra Sirakh 10: 1-8

Itu bacaan pertama di Misa hari ini. Menarik ya?

Kata orang, 63 tahun merdeka berarti baru 63 % mereka merdeka. Kalau untuk saya, 63 tahun merdeka berarti baru 63 % saya merasa bangga menjadi orang Indonesia. I don't know if figure will ever go up to 100%... Merdeka tapi kesenjangan sosialnya begitu jauh. Merdeka tapi rakyatnya belum dapat menghormati para pahlawannya. Merdeka tapi manusianya belum dapat menghargai keragaman agama, ras, dan budaya yang mereka bangun bersama. Kalau begini, terkadang saya berpikir... "Jangan-jangan bangsa ini akan lebih baik kalau tetap dijajah Belanda..." What do you say?

It is sad to know that Indonesia (nowadays) is mostly well-known as the home for disaster (tsunami, earthquakes, flood and such), corruption, and terrorism. My once proud Indonesian soul is wounded by the fact that foreign people consider Indonesia (and it's people) as a "low" country. Despite of all the genius brains we have, foreign people tend to underestimate us! Actually, I should be ashamed of myself for being speechless; not being able to defend my country by saying beautiful things about it.

Indonesian associate their Independence day with games and local activities. Mereka bergembira sambil lomba makan krupuk [karena krupuk itu murah!], panjat pinang, lompat karung, dst. They like these games so much they usually block the roads and not letting people [with cars] to pass by! It is really annoying as it happened to us earlier today. Geez, we freakin' live in this area!!! Some dude was blocking our way by just standing there in front of the car for a while. Gosh! Maybe we should have ran over him >.<' Some other things about Indonesia's Independence Day this year:

• President SBY got a grand daughter!
• I watch a short biography about Tan Malaka on tv. I think Tan Malaka should have more than one small alley to be named after.
• Panic at the Disco is in concert! Supposedly, i should watch the concert and thank them for being one of my musical supports during my final dissertation hahaha :P But E said that their concert in Jakarta will not be theatrical. Lameeeeee.....

Allrighty. I will be away for a while after this :)
Hup hup vakantie hup!

Seorang Katolik Sekuler

Sehari yang lalu, kami (sekantor) menemui Bpk IK, seorang praktisi radio yang telah lama juga berkecimpung dalam urusan majalah media research ternama di indonesia. Setelah beberapa kali gagal bertemu, akhirnya kami dapat duduk bersama di salah satu restoran fast food di kawasan perkantoran semanggi. Pilihan tempat yang sangat tidak biasa untuk meeting.

Setelah perkenalan singkat, akhirnya kami mengetahui bahwa beliau adalah seorang jawa katolik tulen. Jelas saja, beliau berasal dari kota Yogyakarta yang sangat kental dengan predikat "bukankah orang yogya itu katolik semua?" ha ha ha.. Beliau seperti langsung merasa dekat dengan kami (yang kebetulan) juga beragama kristen dan katolik. The famous quote "Di mana ada dua atau tiga orang berkumpul dalam nama-Ku..."

Beliau pun menceritakan dongeng-dongeng (begitu beliau menyebutnya) inspiratif mengenai sejak terjang beliau dan beberapa nama besar praktisi lainnya dalam menggembangkan radio-radio ternama di indonesia. Memang berat dan penuh lika-liku.

Tapi bukan radio fokus saya. Fokus saya adalah figur si bapak. Katanya istrinya kristen. Oh, pernikahan "beda" agama, pikir saya. Dan hebatnya, si bapak terlihat begitu mendalami iman katolik beliau dan berani untuk menunjukkannya di depan orang banyak... membuat saya sedikit takut. Takut terbakar karena saya tidak merasa memiliki iman seperti itu. Mungkin juga karena saya telah terbiasa dengan kehidupan manusia-manusia jaman sekarang yang jauh dari Tuhan mereka masing-masing. Mungkin juga telah terbiasa dengan gaya SEKULER orang-orang Eropa, khususnya Belanda.

Malam itu kami menutup meeting kami dengan doa! Bayangkan saja. Terakhir kali saya berdoa di tempat umum secara beramai-ramai (dan juga berlokasi di fast food restaurant) sudah berbulan-bulan lalu ketika saya masih sesekali mengikuti pendalaman iman bersama beberapa teman lain. Waktu itu sepertinya hanya saya dan teman saya Andy (kami yang katolik) yang "ketinggalan" in terms of pengetahuan kami dalam Alkitab dan ke-Tuhan-an. Teman group yang lain seperti sudah canggih sekali karena mereka bahkan memiliki INTEGRATED BIBLE di mobile phone mereka! WOW!

Telah terpatri di benak saya bahwa orang-orang katolik itu cenderung lebih sekuler dibandingkan dengan penganut agama kristen lainnya. Oleh karena itu, melihat seorang katolik seperti bapak IK mengajak kami berdoa bersama untuk menutup meeting yang sama sekali tak berhubungan dengan ke-Tuhan-an terasa cukup aneh sekaligus menyentuh. Seorang jawa katolik tulen yang rendah hati di tengah-tengah rimba kebejatan kota Jakarta.

Saya harap saya tidak hanya mengenakan jubah keagamaan saya di hari Minggu saja. Well, saya memang bukan orang yang religious, tapi saya rasa saya cukup fanatic akan Tuhan saya.

Want to know more about Jesus? Read this.

... waiting

Kebanyakan dari kita sering menghabiskan waktu untuk menunggu.

Menunggu teman (contoh: sekarang lagi nungguin Golda), menunggu file yang di-donlot, menunggu giliran masuk ke kamar periksa dokter gigi, menunggu bis yang jarang (ugh, nasib).

Something that i'm aware. All of us is already on HIS waiting list. Entah kapan, cepat atau lambat, kita pasti dapat giliran dipanggil. Ada beberapa orang yang bilang klo "orang baik matinya cepet, klo orangnya jahat malah gak mati-mati". I can't verify that statement, really.

Satu hal yang pasti, I always miss my Dad. I'm 23 now. Yet, i feel that i spend too little time with him. I'm not quite satisfied with His decision for some inexplicable reasons. But then again, it's all been done. Sekarang saatnya menunggu kapan akan ketemu papa lagi.

Until then, i hope i can cherish every tiny moment with mum and lysa that God grants me.

no business allowed

So, it's Sunday.
Time to go to church. I'm becoming more like a "zombie" churchgoer every time i live in indonesia. Not that religious.

Below are one of the reason:
The mass went very well. The guest priest who usually serve a church in Malang was making beautiful remarks about thanksgiving. He was, also, thanking the Lord for his mother's 83rd birthday.

Actually, it was the first time that i really really drawn into a Homili (preach).

Then it's singing time, then another praying moment.

During the silent moment, someone's phone was ringing (even though there was a "warning" prior to the mass that all of us should turn off - or at least silent - our mobiles). Unbelievably, the owner was not eager to mute the phone, like most people should do. Instead, he (yes, it was a HE) answered the phone with NO guilt! at all...

Maybe i'm just being too judgmental. or sarcastic at heart. But i was quite furious because he ruined one my rare spiritual moments.

Jesus once furious when people turn the Lord's chamber into a market. Be careful, He might do it again with those who answer their mobiles during mass :p

another me in the world

bea... and me..
like twins in different bodies!!!
we sometimes have the same thoughts or undergo the same experience!!
we even has a "language" of our own..
it might be freaky... but it's TRUE..

i just visited her blog - new one - welcome, sis! i read her thought... the same as mine. Thanks for pouring out my mind in your writings.. I'm deadly desperate i couldn't out it in words!!!

wanna know more? go to her blog >> <<
yeah... i'm no religious man, but i entirely trust in God and pray to Him, always. I will not lose my faith in Him... but sooner or later... i might lose my faith to ev'rybody else *breathe in.. breathe out.. fuuuuh...*

miss you beee!
miss you all...

Perbedaan setiap manusia

4.46 pm.
14 minutes to go.

Tapi hari ini ga pulang ke rumah.. sie kayanya.
Kemungkinan besar boleh nginep di bea... setelah acara ngerayu panjang lebar semalem. Mijitin papa sampe bosen deh pokoknya.. sambil cerita2. Seneng bgt deh klo misalnya mama papa mau cerita soal mereka dulu.. kisah cinta yang rada2 rumit karena mereka dari 2 ras yang berbeda. Batak dan Jawa, dua suku bertentangan.. harus ada salah satu yang ngalah.

Dulu tuh.. sebenernya ompung doli (baca:opung doli, sebutan batak untuk kakek) udah wanti2 ke mama biar jangan kawin sama orang jawa! Mama juga waktu itu (masih di Siantar sana) harusnya disuruh ke Malang, tapi malah kabur ke Jakarta. Di Jakarta itulah mama ketemu sama papa, yang (katanya papa) petualang cinta. Dulu juga papa pernah punya pacar cewe cina (baca: tionghoa) *ternyata...* tapi cintanya ga bisa berlanjut soalnya ga direstuin *biasa lah...*

Mama dulu pas pacaran sama papa juga banyak masalah. Pertama2nya juga ga dianggep sama mbah kakung (sebutan jawa untuk kakek) tapi ya mama papa keukeuh aja. Klo ada cuti, pasti mama ke jogja, maen di sana, nginep di sana, masak2 barengan sama keluaranya papa (waktu itu masih jaman arang) di dapur.. gue punya looh fotonya. Katanya, itu hasil fotonya papa.

Setelah beberapa tahun pacaran, papa tanpa basa basi langsung telpon ke Siantar and ngomong soal rencana nikah ke ompung boru (baca: opung boru, sebutan batak untuk nenek), yang untungnya ga masalah soal perbedaan ras. Waktu itu, ompung doli udah meninggal. Bayangin aja.. itu sekitar 21-22 tahun yang lalu. Sampe mama papa nikah di Gereja Ganjuran, Bantul.. mereka masih aja punya banyak tantangan, apalagi dari keluarganya papa. Mama bilang sih.. ya mo gimana di cuekin aja.. kan harus jalan terus. Kalo dulu mama papa stuck and menyerah, ga mungkin ada gue donk sekarang ini. Gue aja bingung.. gimana caranya dulu mereka sampe ketemu and jatuh cinta ya? Lucu.. lucu..

Lucunya karena sekarang ini gue juga punya cowo yang beda ras nya. Dan, mau ga mau, kita harus menghadapin segala macam ke-extrim-an jaman ini. Banyak yang udah kita lewatin.. tapi masih banyak lagi yang masih harus kita hadapin, if we want to stay together. Ga mudah emang klo kita hidup di negara and culture yang masih memandang dari atas ke bawah tentang segala hal and masih terlalu strict untuk menerima perbedaan.

Hope we can make it.